Is the disordered person in your team your secret weapon?

I can remember when I was eight years old and hid in the closet. School was torturous, my third grade teacher hated me. She hated most kids, especially girls but nobody more than me. I could no longer take it.

The narrative was simple, I must be bad, my parents must be lacking and the likely solution was a good dose of discipline. That was the only thing the people in charge agreed would put me right.

Thankfully my folks didn’t buy into this definition and after a long search in a NYC library looking up articles on microfiche in the 1980’s my mum found a doctor in California who shed some light. He was an early day pioneer researching and writing about ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

I couldn’t sit still for long because my brain could process more when I was moving. When I wasn’t interested I sighed a lot, never mind the quality of what I produced when I had exciting teachers. Most of all I completely lost all self-belief before the age of 9 because I believed a narrow and rigid view that was hyper critical of difference. Difference was bad, “normal “was good and diversity wasn’t yet part of anyone’s vocabulary.

It is little wonder that I spent a lifetime compensating or masking (pretending nothing was different about me) because the definition of being disordered or disabled bothered me. It felt like the wrong description of the right diagnosis. It still does.

Words matter when we are neuro diverse and want to belong. I’ve long thought that my successes are because of and not in spite of my neuro diversity. If I could write a letter to my ADHD I would start by thanking ADHD for how my brain works. My insightfulness, creative thinking and problem solving are strategies often associated with ADHD. I’ve had this in abundance alongside an easy ability to multi task and take calculated risks.

Neuro Diverse not Neuro Divergent

In fact, 15% of the population are neuro diverse, (not neuro divergent – a deliberate choice of words from me). 1 in 20 people have ADHD. It didn’t occur to me for a very long time that there may well be a reason why humanity needs this diversity.

All of these traits make me both a fearless communicator in a crises ( July 7 London bombings, a disruptive campus fire, a pandemic) , and an ambitious campaigner ( increasing fundraising for homeless people, rebranding an inner London Borough from poor to excellent, and leading transformational campaigns for the physio profession most recently Stronger My Way and Right To Rehab) .

I am not going to trivialise mine or other people’s struggles. I won’t dismiss how impairing ADHD can be especially in a world where seeing things differently is viewed as a deficit rather than an advantage. That stigma, prejudice and limiting stereotype kept me masked for a very long time.

Intention

Logically companies that are successful value difference because seasoned leaders know that a culture that cultivates difference produces innovative solutions to new challenges and opportunities. If we all think the same all we get is more of the same. However, creating a culture of difference and belonging has to be intentional. Conscious inclusion comes before unconscious inclusion.

Flip the Script

What if the script were flipped? In place of disturbed we saw creative? What if hyperactive was passionate energy or instead of impulsivity it was decisiveness? These are massive strengths not deficits. They don’t change the fact that some executive functioning is delayed. I’ll be the first to admit this made the early years at school especially tough, hence the 8 year old hiding in the closet.

As a thriving adult it means sometimes I am so focused on a resolving a challenging work project that I forget to have lunch or dinner or that my children exist. While at other times I need a little more time to read or write a long document. I can guarantee this is counterbalanced with the speed in which I can deliver a lot of other things not least because I run towards the knotty, complicated problems, thriving on sorting the messy. It is when my fight or flight is optimised.

To mask or not to mask

I masked it for a long time because it felt safe until we started unmasking inequity in our communities, schools and workplaces during the covid pandemic. This shift left me with an agonising dilemma. I had to ask myself , do I continue to mask, pretend I am not neuro diverse or reveal me (the same me I have always been but with the ADHD label) ?

Masked I was safe from other peoples’ narratives and most importantly safe from their lack of awareness and bias. But in equal measure I could not role model, break the stereotypes or sometimes reach out for help.

Unmasking risked externalising all of my internal stigma, but being masked denied me the opportunity to be respected for who I am. In a senior role within the leadership group of my current organisation with measurable and visible campaign success under my belt, the secrecy felt more of a burden than an escape.

A crash course in me

So for anyone who doesn’t know me, perhaps a crash course? I have ADHD. I graduated top of my class for both my bachelors and master’s degrees. This is because I am curious, driven and intelligent. I have never been disciplined, fired or had a grievance against me at work. This is because I deliver successful initiatives and high performing teams and I deeply care about both doing my best and improving my best. I have never been out of work except to have my three beautiful children, I am dedicated to the quality of my work and I love having a rewarding career.

My husband and I have been married for 24 years. Our relationship has stood the test of time because I am committed to building, cultivating and growing strong relationships. I picked a good person who complimented my strengths and my weaknesses. I have never caused a car accident, been arrested or walked away from an important commitment. I picked these examples because they are the ones I hear most associated with all of the negative definitions of ADHD.

Make no mistake I am very aware of my flaws and I have my fair share – but doesn’t everyone? I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be and I am always working things through. I want to be authentic and I want to give my best. Most of all I want to say to colleagues who remind me of my younger self or who find themselves in a similar situation, I am here and I understand. I want to reassure them that they are great because of the difference they bring not in spite of it. I feel very vulnerable sharing this deeply disguised part of me not because I have anything to hide but because I kept it hidden so long.

Sara Hazzard |Assistant Director Strategic Communications and Co-Chair Community Rehabilitation Alliance | The Chartered Society of Physiotherapy (CSP)